Fascinating games

The best games announced this week that I just made up

It’s that time of year again! E3!

Well, not E3. E3 is dead. We’ve replaced that squeaky old guard of companies showing misleading video game trailers with a squeaky New guardian of companies showing misleading video game trailers. It’s a brand new ball game, folks! And that ballgame is likely coming in fall 2023 pending future delays.

Of course, there were some extremely exciting announcements at Summer Games Fest such as Neon White, Metal: Hellsinger, and the news that Bloober isn’t making a Silent Hill game. Layers of Fears sounds great, folks. Finally, the third game in a series that revolves around a graphic designer’s drinking problem. And before you yell at me, I’ve purchased Layers of Fear games more than once on more than one platform – including VR. I put enough money into this show to have an opinion. I am also an idiot.


Related: Everything Revealed at Xbox and Bethesda Games Showcase (This One’s Real! Not Made Up!)

But while fans and the press focused on the big announcements – the most exciting of which was apparently The Last of Us Part 1 which theoretically sounded better – many big games were overlooked. Not because it’s not about “big franchises” or “popular genres”. Rather, these games have been entirely ignored because I made them up despite the fact that they all look like real things you’d see in a trailer this month.

7. Gun Dad: The dad who is a gun

Following in the footsteps of hits like Boyfriend Dungeon and My Mother The Car, Gun Dad: The Dad Who’s A Gun is about a young hero trying to overpower his gun-toting father. Improve your relationship with your father by using it to shoot enemies while walking through a dungeon designed to look like a regular dungeon. It’s all tied in with Soulsborne roguelike-style gameplay with visual novel elements generated by gacha mechanics. These words all mean something individually, so adding them together seems like a good marketing move.

While you’d think an anime-inspired tale about a dad who’s a gun would be pretty flimsy, that’s only because it was written and drawn by an underpaid Canadian who considers himself a expert in Japanese culture although he has never met or spoken to a Japanese person. person in his whole life.

6. Fear of Space: Survivor’s Guilt

You play as Tony Crusher, a space repairman in the year 2257. What started out as an ordinary day turns ugly when you receive a distress call from Cor Corali station. The signal may be jammed, but you know one thing: your daughter is on this space station and you will do anything to save her. Except going to that damn haunted space station.

In Space Fear: Survivor’s Guilt, you have to live with the shame of refusing the distress call to help your daughter. Especially after finding out that you probably could have saved his life if you showed up soon enough, as it turns out the Space Madness infection rate was quite slow.

Most of the gameplay is just about flying through space, doing small repair jobs, and hearing the voice of your only child cry your name as his skin split open and his bones shattered and twisted into pieces. monstrous forms. You told your wife you were too far to save her. But you weren’t very far. You were just scared. And you’re still too scared to tell anyone.

This secret will eat you alive.

Coming fall 2022.

5. Agriculture Pro Puzzle

Do you like hard labor?

Do you like math?

Well, good news, because now there will be a way to do both at the same time with the productivity of neither! Match three animal pens to send them to the slaughterhouse! But beware: you must avoid matching crops containing modified genetic code belonging to a big company, otherwise you could be sued and lose your farm!

Coming to Xbox Game Pass immediately after purchasing it.

4. Oops, problematic!

Oops, problem! is a fun new game from a European developer, so buckle up already. The game is described as “hilarious brocade society,” which likely means it’s an Earthbound-inspired RPG that replaces goofy wonder with sexism and racism. Low in health? It’s time to go to a taco shop with a name that will make you stop streaming immediately!

Of course, this type of edgy play can bring criticism. But the developers, who all appear to play on the same Swedish lacrosse team, underscored their commitment to being “equal opportunity offenders” to everyone but themselves and their own personal beliefs.

Fortunately for its developers, Oops, Trouble! has already formed a strong fan base. They have no idea what gambling is, but know it will hurt people they don’t like, which is good enough for their wallet.

3. Terminated for misconduct at work

In this heartwarming indie game, you play as a woman who runs a restaurant. What begins as a familiar tycoon game/work simulator combination quickly turns into an emotional journey into how we develop friendships with the people around us every day. You won’t just have to deal with bills, arrogant staff, needy customers and talkative chefs. No, the most difficult challenge will be to fall in love.

Just like in Stardew Valley, you can choose one of your clients or colleagues to fall in love with. As with other games featuring romance, most of this comes in the form of gifts they like and having repeated conversations at every opportunity. During these chats, customers and staff will drop clues about their lives, giving you more information you need to make that big swing to capture their hearts. After which, you are called by the regional manager of the restaurant chain due to complaints they have received about you. Your job has really suffered, and your obsession with giving expensive gifts to co-workers and clients has made everyone uncomfortable. It’s too bad – and your time here is valuable – but you’re fired. Do not return to the restaurant for your business. They will send it to you.

2. Cross Battle: Branded Multiverse

Over the past three hundred years, Globehand has created and legally maintained the intellectual property rights to some of the most beloved characters of all time: Underwater Dog, Princess Shoe, Alligator Francis, Tammy Faye Bakker, and more. For too long, these characters have been relegated to their own franchises outside of fast food commercials, merchandise, anti-drug public service announcements, and go-kart racing games.

But these were crosses. It’s a multiverse. And they are different under the strict guidelines of the PR document given to game journalists to copy and paste on a website. With a multiverse, these characters can interact like never before. And by never before, they mean in a Smash Bros. game. much worse. If you enjoyed Link knocking Mario off the board with a smartly timed sword, you’ll go crazy seeing three of Globehand’s most popular characters and seventeen of their least expensive.

Another reason for fans to be excited: while many of the games announced this month won’t be released for a while, Crossover Battle: Brand Multiverse will release next week with regular updates once every seven months. ! These planned updates include: additional characters, additional character costumes, character voices, music, online multiplayer, offline multiplayer, story mode, single player, options menu and from the start screen.

1. Star Warriors: Space Knights

Making video games is expensive, so why not copy Destiny 2? Of course, fans could play Destiny 2, a beloved franchise with deep lore and millions of players. Or, listen to me, they might be playing a different game which is As Destiny 2 but will shut down its servers after three months. Luckily, the developers spent $15 million of their $16 million budget on a CG intro sequence voiced by the sixth lead in a drama series that was popular a decade ago.

Do you want to play now? A limited-time demo is available this Wednesday from 2:00 a.m. to 2:15 a.m.

Next: Summer Game Fest, We Don’t Need So Many Space Games